Yes, our society puts so much value on how you look, what you can do, and what you can achieve in this life. We put so much pressure on ourselves to become somebody and the older we get the more anxious we are for not following the path our younger selves strived for. And then life happens so we start questioning our place in the world. There are so many twists and turns until we reach the point of existential crisis and our fear of the unfulfilled life. What is our purpose?
Most of us want to be rich and famous. We want to be popular in order to earn money or we want to earn money in order to be popular. There’s always something that we want but cannot have. We have this insatiable appetite for something out of reach. We buy so many products to achieve that glass skin. We pay premium prices on gym memberships to have that perfect body. We even starve ourselves to fit our jeans. We pretend to like salad cause it’s healthy when in reality we just want a fucking burger. We almost deny ourselves life’s simple pleasures to keep up with society’s demands. So who we are really? What if being yourself isn’t up to the expectations of those around you? Should you change in order to conform to the standards?
We all want that 15 minutes of fame whether we admit it to ourselves or not. But not all of us are meant to be in the spotlight. Some of us are to remain in the background, somewhere behind the scenes hiding in the corner covered in darkness. Some of us are just meant to be ordinary and there’s nothing wrong with that. That’s just how the world works, right? We can’t all be movie stars, some of us have to be assistants.
To be honest, I don’t even think I am the main character in my own life and I don’t mind. But sometimes being who I am is still not enough in the eyes of others. I know I don’t have any ambitions of owning a company and becoming a CEO, I’m not smart like that nor do I have the skills to run a business. I can’t sing like 90% of Filipinos and my bones have become too stiff to dance. I’m not even a good writer even if I have a degree in journalism. But what I do know is how to take care of those around me. I know how to care about the people I love. It may not earn me tons of money but at least I know that when I die, one person will remember me for being kind.
Everyone I know seems to be excited about Taylor Swift’s tour. They’ve already booked their tickets. Some have spent almost a hundred thousand pesos to secure them (not included are the hotel accommodation and airfare). Yes, she’s coming to Singapore next year for a 6-day concert. While I do like her, I just can’t really see myself spending that much money. Let’s be honest, I can’t really afford to, maybe not even a flight to Singapore at the moment. I have so many bills to pay. I know it’s like once in a lifetime experience and something that will Swifties will forever remember but I just can’t. I’m not rich. Anyway, I’ll just watch the videos on Tiktok or Youtube. Hindi naman siguro masamang mainggit haha pero ewan ko ba. Ayoko din naman mangutang para makanuod. Kailangan maging praktikal. Naranasan ko kase yung walang wala eh kaya natatakot mawalan. Baka magka emergency bigla na kailangan maglabas ng malaking pera. Kung may extra naman ako bakit hindi, sino ba gustong maka-miss ng concert ni Taylor Swift. Pero ganon talaga, kahit na mainggit kailangan tanggapin na may mga bagay na hindi para sayo. Maybe in another time, in another life, or maybe in another universe a version of me can afford to come.
Sometimes, if it’s not meant to be, it’s not going to work out. No matter how much effort you put into a relationship and no matter how many sacrifices you make, if one of you doesn’t feel the same way, then it’s bound to end one way or another. Yes, relationships require a lot of work and commitment. You need to make compromises on a lot of things to make your partner happy. Finding the right balance can be challenging because so many things need to align. But some things are easier said than done because no relationship is ideal. You can read all the tips you can find online but if you’re no longer happy or your partner is not fulfilled, then what’s the point? Every relationship goes through different phases. There are so many ups and downs. You have to constantly and consistently adapt to changes and work alongside each other in facing the challenges coming your way. Are you growing together or are you growing apart? Are there things that you no longer see eye to eye with/ One moment you’re head over heels with each other and the next thing you know you’re fighting over the simplest things. You argue from time to time and that’s just normal. There are misunderstandings due to a lack of communication or losing connection. Is the spark still alive?
Not every relationship is the same. No matter how many failed relationships you’ve gone through in the past, it doesn’t mean the right one will come along. It will take time of course but sometimes you just got to hold on. Sooner or later you’ll find someone that will love you. And by that I mean, someone who will accept you for all your flaws and value you as a person. Someone that just gets you. The weirdest part about you, the craziest ideas you have, or your unhealthy obsession with horror movies.
I hate to ask this but I couldn’t help but wonder if he’s with me because it’s easy. I’ve been doing my best to be the type of partner that I think he needs. I’ve always supported him and I try my best to understand him. His profession keeps him busy, which I totally get. He’s tired and stressed so that’s why I’ve made a conscious decision to make the adjustments. But I’m only human of course and I’ve raised time and time again how much it irks me when he’s late. I eventually got used to it. I don’t want to be a burden. I want to be his solitude, his safe space. I want him to feel when he’s with me he’s at home. He’s comfortable. He’s happy.
The Boy Behind The Closet Doors 