So yeah, I created a page on Facebook :)
Oh, it’s been four years already since I created this blog (oh how time flies) and while I’ve been MIA for most of the time I still can’t resist sharing my life story to the world (even if it’s anonymously). Not much has changed since I started writing entries for this blog. What started out of boredom eventually helped me get through some of the toughest points in my life. Sharing what I’m going through and having people offer their advice helped me realize that there are so many things in life I could do and still haven’t done. Knowing that there are people who can relate to my stories and experiences opened my eyes and helped me gain new perspective on things. So to everyone who stuck with me since the beginning and who’s always been there for me, many thanks!
On another note, as I look back at some of the stuff I’ve written before makes me sad and honestly cringe. HAHA I guess I’ve haven’t changed a bit or at least nothing significant has changed in my life. Sure, I’ve had different jobs, met new people, got in and out of a relationship, travelled and gained so many experiences but I’m still relatively in the same state as I was four years ago.
Or maybe it’s just me not looking at the bright side of things. While I don’t consider myself a pessimist and more realist, I still find it hard to look at my life and think I’m doing something good. Anyway, enough with this hullabaloo and me ranting about how life sucks, things are actually looking up. Maybe being alone and spending more time with myself and focusing on doing what I want is helping me get through this quarter life crisis — or perhaps because I’m high most of the time too. But yeah. I’m happy and content – for now. And I hope anyone who gets to read this is having a great day!
I haven’t slept since Friday and it’s already 4:46 on a Sunday. Why? I’m not sure. What’s keeping me up? I don’t really know. If there’s one thing I’m sure of, is I have a lot of things that I need to finish at work. I have deadlines to meet and exams to take. I’m a little demotivated right now. Still unsure. Still confused. Still. And I’m still figuring out what to do and what I can do. I should better get some sleep now. Goodnight.
What do you do when you want something so bad but you feel like you’re not good enough for it?
I’m not myself again today. I feel like disappearing again. I’m not sure why but I just want to lock myself in my room and sleep all day. I’m close to quitting my current job again – bad habit I know but I’m holding on. I’m forcing myself to think positively and just hope that tomorrow will be a better day. But that’s what I said yesterday and the day before that and I’m not sure how long I can keep convincing myself that everything will be fine.
My problem? I don’t know. I can’t figure it out myself. All I know is that I can’t be alone with my thoughts right now. My head starts filling up with things that are bringing me down. I’m doing my best to distract myself. Watch series, read books and listen to music. I work (at least try to) but the daily routine is becoming futile. I feel miserable. And I’m probably the loneliest person on the planet right now for no particular reason.
It’s all in my head. Whatever it is. The thought that keeps resurfacing over and over again. I can’t stop it and I can’t control it. All I can do is accept it and welcome it in my life.
I don’t want to do anything anymore. I just want to close my eyes and sleep. I don’t want to go out and talk to people. I just want to be alone.