I’m staying in Manila for now because of the following reasons: 1.) I’m broke. Like fucked up broke and in debt. I have 40K in credit card bills that I need to pay plus my 16K that I borrowed from my mom when I went to Beijing last month, electricity bills that I need to pay and my mobile data that’s long overdue. 2.) I need to mend a broken heart. Well, it’s not broken per se but I’m doing a bit of damage control by staying away for now. 3.) I’m avoiding my alcohol stash at the condo. 4.) I’m in Manila because of “the other guy” I need to clear things up with. But the main reason is why I’m at home is because of the last one. Suddenly I’m in this position where I need to make a choice – to go back to the one whom I fell in love with in the past or take a risk with someone whom I’m just getting to know. But things are far way more complicated than that. So many factors have come into play and I’m still weighing things in my head. Again, I find myself in a very vulnerable position because I tend to make bad decisions. This time around I want to make things right and the only way to do that is to confront both head on.
I had just gotten out of shower and after a few hours of watching Aldub online (since I missed some episodes) to distract me I’m back again with my thoughts. And I hate it. I hate thinking about what’s happening and I hate to think about what’s going to happen after. I hate feeling this way. I just want to go back to simpler times, to those days where I don’t have to worry about anything – anyone but myself. This time it’s my heart that’s on the line – and it sucks big time.