I love you, I do. More than anything in this world right now and all I really want is to be there for you – to take care of you even if you only treat me as your friend. Well, maybe best friend. But I want something more than that. I want something I could hold on to. Something that would make me feel secure about us. About what we have. But I know, there’s a part of you that is scared and a part of me that fears that maybe, just maybe I’m not the one for you. I’m not the one you’ll fall in love with. And to you, I will always be just a friend.
God knows I’m doing everything I can for you. Even if at the risk of losing myself in the process. I’ve sacrificed so much, I’ve put everything on the line but where is it getting me? I feel like I’m running a marathon but the finish line is nowhere in sight. I’m running, just running after someone who will never be there. Who will never stop for me. This is a free fall and I’m waiting, just waiting to finally hit the bottom. And when I finally do, maybe that’s when I will finally realize the meaning of it all.
Yes. You didn’t ask any of this from me. You didn’t force me to be there for you. To help you out in your time of need. I did it all because I wanted to. I did it all even if you didn’t asked me to. Am I to blame for that? Am I to blame for putting my heart on the line? For risking it all? Maybe I’m stupid. Maybe this is stupid. Maybe I’m just wasting my time waiting for a man who would never love me back. But it’s ok. I have no regrets. All I know is I did my best, I did everything I could for you to see me as I am and accept me for everything I am not. For you to finally open your eyes and see my worth. Appreciate me for who I am and love me because of it.
I don’t want you to feel obliged. I don’t want you to stay out of pity. I don’t want you to force yourself to me. I just want you to know that when this ends, I could say that I loved you, I love you, and will keep loving you. Even if that love is unrequited.
Maybe I’m here because you need me. Maybe I’m here because it’s convenient for you. Maybe I’m here because you still haven’t met the right one. But it’s fine. I understand. I will understand. Maybe the time will come when you finally meet the man of your dreams. The man who can give you everything I couldn’t. But until that time comes I will stay here by your side. I will stay as long as you want me to and as long as you need me.
It will hurt. The pain will be unbearable. I will want to die. I will want to end it all – the suffering, the misery, the agony. But I know I will get through it. I will survive. I will move on and I will find someone else. I will be happy and I will be happy for you. It we’re not meant to be together then I’m sure we will meet the right one for us. We will meet the one who could make us happy finally. And one day, when we cross paths we’ll smile at each other, talk a little, catch up and laugh at the silly things we did. We’ll both look back at the good memories we shared and maybe recall some things that weren’t pleasant. But there won’t be any bitterness anymore.
I will thank you for all the lessons you’ve taught me. All the things I’ve learned will only serve to help me become a better person. Because I know, after all of this, I’ll be good. I’ll know what to do next and know how to deal with the pain.
I wish you nothing but the best in life. I wish you all the happiness in the world. May all your dreams come true and may you remember me and smile. That once in your life, even for a short while, you’ve met someone like me. And I will feel the same. I will remember you as the good person you are. The kind and loving guy who I fell in love with. And know that a part of me will always belong to you and you will always have a place in my heart.
So this is it. This is probably goodbye. I’m not sure how many times I’ve written to you and said goodbye but if that time comes. If I finally have the courage to say this all to you, remember the man who loved you and willing to do just about anything to make you happy.