The aftermath of a break up is probably the worst part of ending the relationship. Whether you’re the one who wanted to the let go or the one being let go of sucks either way. The end of the end is always the toughest they say because it means you’ll have to start all over again. And sometimes, the first step is always the hardest and by far scariest. There will always uncertainties towards finding the right path and the fear of the unknown when you’ve reached a crossroad. The many what ifs that you keep asking yourself over and over again and playing all the different scenarios in your head hoping for the same outcome time and time again. But you can do it no matter how many times you trip along the way. Yes, you can really do it. You just need the right attitude to go with what your feeling as of the moment and soon your situation will get better. At the end of the day you’ll need to make choice. Go back from the way you came from, go forward to different direction or stay exactly where you are without moving on.
Yes, there will be days that are truly unbearable – these are the days when everything doesn’t seem to matter anymore and that life suddenly has no purpose at all. These are the days when all you want to do is lie in bed, listen to Air Supply or maybe Adele and stuff your face with every food imaginable. And there are days when you can finally stand up and finally wash your hair and your pits and start picking up the broken pieces of yourself. It will take time trust me but when the right time comes for you to finally rediscover who you are then grab it by all means you can and soon you’ll come out a better person on the other side.
I’ve been through a lot of break ups and looking back I couldn’t help but wonder how exactly I managed to move on. While there aren’t scientific methods you could apply or steps you could follow in order to get over someone, there are also numerous ways you can do to forget that asshole that broke your heart. So here are my top 5 ways on how to move on after a failed relationship. These are just based on my experiences, which may or may not be applicable to you.
1. Erase him from your life.
Burn everything that reminds you of him. All the gifts he gave you, all the letters he wrote to you, and basically all the bullshit that you got from him. Burn it all. Okay, that may sound over the top but for me, it would be difficult to move on if you’ll keep surrounding yourself with stuff that reminds you of the relationship. Fine. If you don’t want to burn them, at least, hide them all in a box far up your attic.
The second part of this process is by unfriending him on all of your social media accounts. This is what I did with my ex actually. While it may not be the most mature way of handling things, I feel like it’s the most effective way to help you move on. I didn’t just actually unfriended him but I blocked him on my Facebook (including our common friends – all of his friends actually and advised all my friends to unfriend him too). I blocked him on Instagram and Twitter too. Seriously, the last thing I need is to see his posts on my feed and the last thing I want is for his friends to even know what I’m up to. Just seeing his handle might bring up old memories, which could either hurt me or fire me up so I’d rather not. Now that your digital connections are officially “disconnected” it’s time for number 2.
Yes. The best remedy for a broken heart is to discover new places and experience a whole different culture and who knows, maybe even meet someone a long the way. But everyone deserves to travel and explore the world once in your life. Be it with someone special to you or alone it doesn’t matter, do it yourself and for your own sake. This way you’ll realize that the there’s a whole world out there and a bigger picture you need to see other than the one you built for each other. That life doesn’t just revolve around the two of you. Traveling will make you forget all the shitty things he put your though and all the bullshit will all seem insignificant when you start opening your eyes to the possibilities.
My ex and I traveled throughout Indochina when we’re together. Frankly, the trip was our last chance to salvage an already dead relationship. Traveling together with your partner, with just the two of you, can be really challenging but if you survive the test then it’s worth the fight. Sadly, in our case, he broke up with me as soon after we arrived back in Manila. I admit I had done things that are truly unacceptable too but I guess it wasn’t meant to be.
For the 20 days we spent traveling across Vietnam, Cambodia, Thailand, Laos and Myanmar, we had moments where we wanted to kill each other and moments where we both realized how much we love each other. But through the test and trials, at the end we realized that we’re not ready to continue on.
3. Spend time with your loved ones – your family and friends
My friends always complain that as soon as I get myself in a relationship I start disappearing from the face of the earth. And I guess that has been a problem of mine all along. Whenever I’m in a relationship, I always make sure to make that person my number 1 priority, which meant missing special occasions like birthdays and all. It’s my fault that I started missing so much of what’s going on around me because I was too focused on my relationship. That’s why after a break up you should start spending more time with your friends and hanging out with them. Go out in clubs and get wasted every weekend. Let yourself go and meet new people. You’ll be surprised how much fun it is being single again and the idea of hooking up with so many hot people can be thrilling actually.
Spend time with your family. Treat your parents on a date. Travel with your siblings and take your niece and nephews out at the park. Remember who you are before you met that fucking bastard. Remember that you had a life before he ruined it. LOL. And remember that you still have a life to live now that he’s gone. Losing him is not the end of the world nor is it the end of you, just remember that you have so much to live for and that there are so many people who loves you.
4. Focus on your work
Yes, you’re still probably hurting. You’re still confused by what’s happening. You’re trying to replay the past week, month or year you’ve been together and wondering what you did and if you had done something wrong or if you could still do anything to salvage the relationship. Now. Stop. Don’t think about the things you could’ve done or the things you could’ve changed while you were together because honestly that’s just pathetic. Now, whatever you’re feeling. The pain, the anger, the loneliness – channel all of this to your work. While I know it’s hard but all these emotions you have can actually help you get motivated. Use this energy in a positive way and who knows, you might even get a promotion out of it.
Now that you don’t have anyone to worry about but yourself, you can just start focusing on you and your own happiness. You don’t have anything to keep you distracted. No one to bother you at work and no one to worry whether that person is cheating on your or not. Now you don’t have to wonder if he’s really just meeting his friends or colleagues or cousin for drinks, you can just worry about what bottle of alcohol you’d want to drink after the day ends or what movie are you going to see after shift.
Relationships take so much energy and if you can channel this energy to your work then your boss will probably be very proud.
5. Binge-watch new shows
Just avoid rom-coms and watch a lot of TV while you’re in the process of moving on. Believe me, this is the best way to distract yourself from a bad breakup. You can start with Mr. Robot and HBO’s Game of Thrones then move on to Netflix shows like Orange Is The New Black, Sense8, Stranger Things and of course Logo’s Rupaul’s Drag Race just for kicks. These shows don’t really focus on love stories so you’ll be fine. At least these series can take your mind somewhere else other than the failed relationship you have.
6. Love yourself
We’re the generation that grew up watching Disney princesses. From Cinderella to Snow White to Sleeping Beauty and Little Mermaid, we were raised to believe that somewhere along the way we’d find our Prince Charming to kiss on the lips and awaken us from our deep slumber. We were made to believe that we need a Knight in shining armor will come and rescue us from our imprisonment and save us from the dragon that’s been guarding us our whole life. We were made to believe that we’re damsels in distress in need of a hero to save us so we can finally be happy as if that’s our sole purpose in life. To just freaking wait.
While I’m not a girl and I’ve been comparing myself to princesses here but generally this applies to all genders. We grew up searching for that person that will make us whole. We grew up believing that we’re just half a person and that we’ll never be happy because we need to find our soulmates. So maybe that’s why we all get fucked up every time a relationship ends because we never really, truly learned how to be happy on our own. That’s why before you get into a relationship you need to make sure you have your shit together. Make sure that even if that person leaves, he wouldn’t leave you a half person you were because you were already whole to begin with. Make sure you’re happiness is not dependent solely on him or that everything you need to do is dependent on him.
In this ever-changing world, the best thing you could do for yourself is to discover who you are. Find out what you want to be and be that person. You don’t need to change yourself in order for someone to like you. You just need to be confident that that person will like you because of you are and not who you pretend to be. Because honestly, in the long run it will be both of you who will suffer because you built a relationship with lies and deceit as its foundation.
So yes, love yourself first. Love yourself fully, Love yourself enough to know that you’re not to be messed with, that you’re not be fucked it and that you’re not be cheated on. Love yourself to realize that you deserve more than to be treated like shit. That you deserve someone better, someone who can match your wits and equal you in all aspects. That you deserve someone you can love but live without. Someone you can be confident with and someone you don’t have to be insecure with. Someone who can challenge you in so many ways and someone you will love to grow and grow old with.
Now look in the mirror. Who do you see? Do you like what you’re seeing? How much do you value yourself? If you’re willing to compromise your inner self just to be accepted by someone, just to be loved then rethink because maybe that person doesn’t deserve you and your love at all. So don’t waste your time, there are billions of people in the world and you’re most definitely meant for someone who will look at you and see you the way you see and value yourself.
You can’t rush love, that’s true. You need to be patient. If you look around you, really look, you’ll notice how many people are breaking up because they weren’t patient enough to discover and love themselves first. They just have the wrong notion that in order to be happy, they need to find someone. Don’t be like them. Be independent. Find your own happiness.
Okay, so that probably escalated too quickly. But the bottom line, I guess, is, if you don’t want to feel broken after a break up then you should be more careful in choosing your next victim. Kidding. But seriously, you need to start with yourself. You need to start taking care of yourself first. Prioritize finding your own happiness and reaching your goals. Trust me, everything will fall exactly on its place the moment you least expect it.
So go on with your life. Delete him and move on. Get yourself out of a bubble and let yourself sink further in from the past. Forget about him. Go see the world and try something new. Go on an adventure! Life has so many things to offer and the possibilities are endless. Explore! Spend time with the people you love, that’s the real relationship you should take care of. Focus on your career, get a promotion or find a new, interesting job that will enhance and challenge your skills. And lastly, just fucking love yourself. Because if you do then the world will fall in love back at you.