It’s the first time in a long while that you haven’t slept beside me and I honestly don’t know how to feel about it. I was sad. I was angry. I was confused. But I know the reason why and I should understand the reason why but I chose to ignore it and instead follow my feelings. And right now I feel shitty. I feel like crying any moment now, the tears ready to fall from my eyes. And now I’m not even sure if it’s because I haven’t slept yet or just because I miss lying next to you. It’s just one day I know and you’re probably thinking I’m overreacting but I know, in the back of my head, that this is the start… the start of the end. And tomorrow it will happen again, and the next day and the day after that. I must accept this now before I fall farther down below. I must accept this now while I still have the chance to climb up again. I haven’t lost you yet… not that I know of but I feel like I’m starting to one minute at a time. And should I blame myself? Should I blame you for making me feel this way? For making me feel like you need me? For making me fall for you. But I can’t and I won’t. I did this to myself and the only person to blame here is me. I let you into my life and allowed you to rule over it. I let you in and now I’m letting you break it all apart. So what do I do now? What do I do when the only thing I know I can do is set you free? It was good while it lasted… because I know it was too good to be true from the start. You’re out of my league. You’re the star and I’m just a mere mortal looking up, dreaming, hoping that one day I can reach you and hold you in my arms. I did, for a while but now it’s time to wake up. It was only a dream and as the morning sun rises, as I open my eyes, it’s time for me to get up and get back to how things used to be. I’ll try. I will. No matter how much it’ll hurt. No matter how unbearable the pain is. I’ll try. I will. Because the end is near. It’s coming and I need to prepare myself. I have to. No matter how much it’ll hurt. No matter how unbearable the pain is. I’ve lived my life without you and I can live my life now that you’re gone. So before you say the words goodbye. Before you start ignoring me. Before my heart breaks again (cause it already has) I’ll be the one to let go. I’ll be the one to set you free. Give me this cause it’s the only way I know I can live. The only way for me to move on. The only way for me carry on. I’ll try. I will. Even if it hurts. Every time it hurts. Even if the pain is unbearable. So this is my goodbye. This is me living my life… by leaving you behind.
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