If I could I would make time stop and nights go on forever. I couldn’t sleep. I wouldn’t sleep. Out of fear. Out of sadness. Out of worry for what tomorrow will bring. Yes. I’m afraid. Afraid to know what the future holds for me. Afraid of the uncertainties. Afraid of the unknown. I’m afraid to close my eyes and I’m afraid to open them again only to find out that nothing has changed or that everything has. And so I keep them open. I lie awake. Still. Looking up the sky watching the stars go by, waiting for them to disappear behind the clouds, waiting for the dawn to break. A night ends a new day begins. Fear.
If I could I would make time stop and nights go on forever. I’m comfortable in silence. I feel freer in darkness. I can breathe. I can lose all control. I can let finally let go. I can surrender. I don’t mind feeling alone. In the safety of my room, devoid of any emotions, detached from the world. I can be myself. I don’t have to pretend anymore. I can finally be myself.
If I could I would make time stop and nights go on forever. To never sleep. To never wake up. To never know what the future holds. To not worry anymore. To not think. To release. No more fear. No more sadness. Nothingness. Peace. It’s December. I’m 26. It ends here.
If I could I would make time stop and nights go on forever. But reality sets in. I have to live one more day. I have to pretend once again. I have to smile or at least fake it. I have to go through the day. Keep myself busy. Forget about everything and move on. Move forward. Take another step and never look back. To choose which path to take. To make a choice. To decide. To live in the moment.
If I could I would make time stop and nights go on forever… and ever…