I’m not myself again today. I feel like disappearing again. I’m not sure why but I just want to lock myself in my room and sleep all day. I’m close to quitting my current job again – bad habit I know but I’m holding on. I’m forcing myself to think positively and just hope that tomorrow will be a better day. But that’s what I said yesterday and the day before that and I’m not sure how long I can keep convincing myself that everything will be fine.

My problem? I don’t know. I can’t figure it out myself. All I know is that I can’t be alone with my thoughts right now. My head starts filling up with things that are bringing me down. I’m doing my best to distract myself. Watch series, read books and listen to music. I work (at least try to) but the daily routine is becoming futile. I feel miserable. And I’m probably the loneliest person on the planet right now for no particular reason.

It’s all in my head. Whatever it is. The thought that keeps resurfacing over and over again. I can’t stop it and I can’t control it. All I can do is accept it and welcome it in my life.

I don’t want to do anything anymore. I just want to close my eyes and sleep. I don’t want to go out and talk to people. I just want to be alone.

4 responses »

  1. M says:

    Hey i feel for you… Maybe you need to talk to a stranger and let it all out

  2. inigo says:

    Been there. But I got out of it. Thought of suicide many times. It wasn’t easy and it wasn’t in a short time. the process took years. It may sound corny to you, I don’t know if you’re a believer or not, but prayer works. If you don’t like the word “prayer”, talking to your creator, spiritual guide, or guardian angel just works fine. Assuming, you’re a believer, God speaks through other people. He even speaks through books or telenovela. If you don’t believe in God, talk to the Universe. There’s a catch though. You have to know how to discern. However, don’t be afraid about making a mistake. It’s how you increase your wisdom. Kaya mo yan! it may be difficult and painful but kaya mo yan. Blogging about how you feel is one good step.

    • Jake Samson says:

      It’s just really hard for me. Some days are good, others I just don’t feel like getting out of bed at all. Sometimes I just want to sleep and sleep and sleep hoping that when I wake up things will be fine. But I know I can’t escape my problems and the only way I can really survive this is if I face it head on. But yeah, I believe that prayers work and there are signs everywhere to help you. It’s just hard when you’re stuck in a room and the only thing you look at is the ceiling. HAHA.

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