When I was young I learned to dream big. I was told that I could be anything I wanted to be – a doctor who could cure the sick, a lawyer in pursuit of justice or even a priest who could save souls. I was young, impressionable, and I wanted to be all of the above (except becoming a priest – for obvious reasons). But as I grew older, I learned a few things about myself and discovered that I’m really not cut out to be any of the three.
I can’t be a doctor. I’m not smart enough to be one. Science stuff bored me when I was a student so doing it on a daily basis for the rest of my life? – I don’t think so. I guess it’s safe to say there was no chemistry there. Ha! (See what I did there?) But one thing is for sure, I know a lot about biology, more specifically, the male anatomy. HAHA! Well, at least I know the parts that matter – the head, the heart, and you know… the other head.
Well, I’m not going to be a neurosurgeon by a long shot, dealing with the nervous system is enough to make me… well, nervous (okay, I’m sure you saw that one coming but I couldn’t help it – insert smiley face here). But the brain is complicated. And if I’m going to handle someone’s head, let’s just say it’s just not my hands that’ll be doing all the work. I can be a cardiologist, but I’ve broken so many hearts in my 25 years of existence that it’s better for me to just stay away from it altogether. I’m not really sure if even have one to be honest but knowing that I can still feel my pulse is enough to know it’s there. Maybe I could be a dentist. I do have an oral fixation. And much like Freud’s theory about psychosexual development, my pleasure centers in my mouth. And speaking of mouth, I do love giving blowjobs. Well, given the amount of practice I’ve had over the years I’m pretty confident when I say I give good head. I mean, practice makes perfect right?
So becoming a doctor is out of the question and as much as I love watching Grey’s Anatomy, I’m not cut out to be one.
Elle Woods may or may not have influenced me on wanting to pursue law. But getting into Harvard may not be so easy, I mean, Harvard really? Maybe UP or Ateneo will do for now (as if). Well, I don’t know if a Copolla can direct my admissions video and I don’t think we’re really required to in here but like Elle I feel comfortable using legal jargon in everyday life.
If not Elle, maybe watching all seasons of Suits in a span of few days could be the culprit. I mean, who wouldn’t want to be Harvey Specter or at least fuck someone like him right? But being Donna is way more fun don’t you think?
Becoming a lawyer was more me – fits my personality. I mean, I was and still am a cold-hearted asshole, a compulsive liar and I don’t have a conscience so I guess it’s a profession that suits me (wink, wink). Even now I’m still thinking about going to law school but I know in my heart it’s not something I really want to do for the rest of my life. My parents have been asking me for some time now if it’s something I want to do but I have mixed-feelings about studying again. I don’t look good under fluorescent light.
Ever since I was a kid my mom kept pushing me to become a priest. I really don’t know why. For me it’s a bit strange for a parent to want his son to be a priest. I actually considered it for a time – maybe for about a minute or two but seriously, me? No fucking way. I believe in God, but in religion not so much.
So, what now? I’m already 25 yet I still couldn’t decide what I really want to do with it. I know I want to write for a living but I still need to earn money to live. You’d be surprised that there aren’t a lot of companies out there looking for someone whose writing portfolio consists of erotic gay sex stories. I need a job that’ll pay the bills and support my drinking habit. And like what I said to a friend of mine a long time ago, I could’ve been an addict it’s just too bad I couldn’t afford the drugs.
Both my parents are already in their sixties. And I can’t always rely on my sisters to support me financially. So I guess it’s about time for me to stop dicking around and start looking for a job, set aside my principles in life and just do what everybody does.
When I was young I learned to dream big and now that I’m older and wiser (the latter remains in question) I learned to set some dreams aside. We’re a generation raised by reality TV where we see people become millionaires overnight and becomes famous for 15 minutes, but the truth is, not everyone gets to live their dream, some people do give up along the way in exchange for a bigger paycheck.
Anyway, tomorrow’s another day. And maybe tomorrow I can finally decide.
And to quote Palahniuk, “This is your life and its ending one moment at a time.”
TIme to wake up.