I’m not entirely sure what I want to do with my life right now. As of this very moment I’m at a lost. I can’t seem to figure out what I want. I’m applying for jobs I’m not interested in and I’m not applying for jobs I’m interested in. The bottomline is I’m afraid I’m not good enough to go after what I want. I’m afraid of rejection. I’m afraid to fail. But fear is something I need to overcome and hopefully sooner than later. If not the fear then maybe the doubts that kept creeping in.
There are days when I just want to lay in bed and think of nothing. Open my eyes and close them again hoping that when I do open them again it’s already the next day. I feel like I’m trapped in a race I couldn’t finish. Too many roadblocks ahead, crossroads and dead ends. I’ve been running a marathon and somehow I feel like no matter how fast I run I’m still not moving fast enough to get to where I want to be. I’m just really tired I guess.
I haven’t written much in a long time, well I have, just not sure whether or not what I’ve written is something worth reading. My parents are concerned and they want to know what’s been happening to me for the past couple of months. I quit my job for a new one and then quit on that as well. Honestly, I’m not even sure I can answer them because for one, I’m not sure I know the answer myself. I’m lost. This so-called quarter life crisis has held me back and it has for a very long time now. I need to stop blaming the things that happened in the past and the choices I’ve made before. I’m not afraid to admit I have regrets and not a single day has passed that I wished I could take them all back just to see how the course of my life would’ve turned out. There are so many things I want to say I just couldn’t find the right words.