After I graduated from college I thought everything will go according to plan. I’ll work as a writer, rise to the ranks and finally own a publishing company. I’ll hire the most talented people to run it while I travel abroad, maybe to the Bahamas to soak under the sun and get some tan, maybe to Paris to ride the double decker bus, hang out at the top of the Eiffel Tower or just visit the Louvre…
I never planned to have a family of my own anyway so I’m only living for myself ala Christian Grey. I wanted to build an empire – a billionaire by 30 and on the cover of Time at the same time (with or without Oprah). But It’s not that easy. Nothing is.
I wasn’t born rich. My last name doesn’t end in Sy, Tan, Zobel, or Ayala. I never had a silver spoon in my mouth. I’m not a child prodigy. I’m no genius. I’ve no talent in singing so I can’t be in a fucking boyband or even a Youtube sensation just like Justin Bieber. I don’t have the dancing skills to back up for Lady GaGa and Britney Spears. I don’t have the IT and entrepreneurial skills of Bill Gates or the ingenuity of Steve Jobs. I can’t talk like Oprah or inspire like Mandela. I can’t play tennis like Federer or Basketball like Jordan. I don’t have the business instinct in me. I can’t write as good as Stephenie Meyers (LOL), I mean, JK Rowling or JRR Tolkiens or my new favorite, George RR Martins. I just write what’s on my mind and what I feel like writing (erotic stories) but can that build me an empire?
I didn’t graduate from one of the top universities in the country. The 3 schools that companies prioritize when looking for prospect employees so what are my chances of landing my dream job? I want to tell them that I’ll work hard if they just give me the opportunity but after they’ve read your CV and find out your from another school then your resume is headed to the shredders.
Things didn’t go according to plan obviously. I ended up working for a BPO company. I’ve become a corporate slave, stuck in the office with bad lighting and worst people. I’m living from paycheck to paycheck on a 9 to 5 job. But I can’t complain. How can I when hundreds, thousands, even millions of newly grads like me were struggling to land their first job. I guess I just feel bad.
As I watch my friends live their dreams I die a little inside. I read their tweets and status on Facebook. I look at the pictures tagged by their friends and browse their albums. They seem to have it all or at least they’re getting closer and closer to reaching their goals. They’re on a vacation in Boracay or out of the country. Their touring Singapore, Hong Kong, Thailand, Indonesia and other Southeast Asian countries. They’re eating at fancy restaurants, taking photos of their food and posting it on Instagram. They show off their new iPhones, DSLR, and Macs. Their new shoes, new clothes, and new lovers. I look at their faces and they all seem happy, fulfilled and content. And then I look at myself. I stare into my eyes and there seem to be sadness hidden beneath the surface.
What do they have that I don’t? I was the one who graduated with honors – not because I was smart but because I worked twice as hard to get my medal. When people look at me, don’t they see what I’ve been through? Don’t they know what I can do? Am I just a meat/air head in their eyes. Maybe I’m just not destined to be somebody. Maybe I’m just destined to be an ordinary employee working for a BPO company in a 9 to 5 job.
Maybe I’m one of the guys in the movie that gets killed first in slasher films or the one that drowns / get hit by a comet / stepped on by a robot in disaster films and action movies. Maybe I’m a background guy. Someone you notice at first but will never be interested in. I graduated from college 2 years ago. I always wore my best corporate attire during exams and interviews. I got hired from the jobs I didn’t want and failed to nab the ones that I do like. I tried everything to impress them but nothing worked. They said I needed experience but how will I get that experience If they won’t give me a chance. I gave up on a lot of dreams and each one seemed unreachable. Maybe I should just stop dreaming and start waking up to reality. I guess that’s much better. No more disappointments. The last dream I gave up did hurt a lot. I prepared so hard for it only to find out I’ll never qualify because of my poor vision. Everything was a blur from then on – literally and figuratively. Now I don’t know what to do. I have a new job that pays well but offers no growth. I like from paycheck to paycheck and I’m pretty content.
We all have a place in this world. Einstein once said thet God doesn’t play dice with the universe. So maybe there’s a reason why he’d put me here and maybe this is his plan for me.