After I graduated from college I thought everything will go according to plan. I’ll work as a writer, rise to the ranks and finally own a publishing company. I’ll hire the most talented people to run it while I travel abroad, maybe to the Bahamas to soak under  the sun and get some tan, maybe to Paris to ride the double decker bus, hang out at the top of the Eiffel Tower or just visit the Louvre…

I never planned to have a family of my own anyway so I’m only living for myself ala Christian Grey. I wanted to build an empire – a billionaire by 30 and on the cover of Time at the same time (with or without Oprah). But It’s not that easy. Nothing is.

I wasn’t born rich. My last name doesn’t end in Sy, Tan, Zobel, or Ayala. I never had a silver spoon in my mouth. I’m not a child prodigy. I’m no genius. I’ve no talent in singing so I can’t be in a fucking boyband or even a Youtube sensation just like Justin Bieber. I don’t have the dancing skills to back up for Lady GaGa and Britney Spears. I don’t have the IT and entrepreneurial skills of Bill Gates or the ingenuity of Steve Jobs. I can’t talk like Oprah or inspire like Mandela. I can’t play tennis like Federer or Basketball like Jordan. I don’t have the business instinct in me. I can’t write as good as Stephenie Meyers (LOL), I mean, JK Rowling or JRR Tolkiens or my new favorite, George RR Martins. I just write what’s on my mind and what I feel like writing (erotic stories) but can that build me an empire?

I didn’t graduate from one of the top universities in the country. The 3 schools that companies prioritize when looking for prospect employees so what are my chances of landing my dream job? I want to tell them that I’ll work hard if they just give me the opportunity but after they’ve read your CV and find out your from another school then your resume is headed to the shredders.

Things didn’t go according to plan obviously. I ended up working for a BPO company. I’ve become a corporate slave, stuck in the office with bad lighting and worst people. I’m living from paycheck to paycheck on a 9 to 5 job. But I can’t complain. How can I when hundreds, thousands, even millions of newly grads like me were struggling to land their first job. I guess I just feel bad.

As I watch my friends live their dreams I die a little inside. I read their tweets and status on Facebook. I look at the pictures tagged by  their friends and browse their albums. They seem to have it all or at least they’re getting closer and closer to reaching their goals. They’re on a vacation in Boracay or out of the country. Their touring Singapore, Hong Kong, Thailand, Indonesia and other Southeast Asian countries. They’re eating at fancy restaurants, taking photos of their food and posting it on Instagram. They show off their new iPhones, DSLR, and Macs. Their new shoes, new clothes, and new lovers. I look at their faces and they all seem happy, fulfilled and content. And then I look at myself. I stare into my eyes and there seem to be sadness hidden beneath the surface.

What do they have that I don’t? I was the one who graduated with honors – not because I was smart but because I worked twice as hard to get my medal. When people look at me, don’t they see what I’ve been through? Don’t they know what I can do? Am I just a meat/air head in their eyes. Maybe I’m just not destined to be somebody. Maybe I’m just destined to be an ordinary employee working for a BPO company in a 9 to 5 job.

Maybe I’m one of the guys in the movie that gets killed first in slasher films or the one that drowns / get hit by a comet / stepped on by a robot in disaster films and action movies. Maybe I’m a background guy. Someone you notice at first but will never be interested in. I graduated from college 2 years ago. I always wore my best corporate attire during exams and interviews. I got hired from the jobs I didn’t want and failed to nab the ones that I do like. I tried everything to impress them but nothing worked. They said I needed experience but how will I get that experience If they won’t give me a chance. I gave up on a lot of dreams and each one seemed unreachable. Maybe I should just stop dreaming and start waking up to reality. I guess that’s much better. No more disappointments. The last dream I gave up did hurt a lot. I prepared so hard for it only to find out I’ll never qualify because of my poor vision. Everything was a blur from then on – literally and figuratively. Now I don’t know what to do. I have a new job that pays well but offers no growth. I like from paycheck to paycheck and I’m pretty content.

We all have a place in this world. Einstein once said thet God doesn’t play dice with the universe. So maybe there’s a reason why he’d put me here and maybe this is his plan for me.

5 responses »

  1. Dante says:

    Well that’s worst thing that happening in our country every time you apply for a job they always emphasize the experience and then later on they accepting fresh graduate. That’s ridiculous our HR proceeding in our country. Which has no relevant what so ever, everything is learn in a process not because you have good school you know everything.That’s why I given up looking for a job there after I resign, decided to work abroad.. They require minimal experience and they don’t care which school you came from.

  2. Tony says:

    NEVER EVER GIVE UP ON YOUR DREAM. Yes, you maybe do not have writing talent like Rowling, or King or Tolkien. But have you checked E.L James?
    You’re a good writer, you’re inspiring already. DONT LET THE WORLD TOOK YOUR DREAM AWAY. LADY GAGA HAD TO EAT SHIT UNTIL SOMEONE FOUND HER.
    DONT GIVE IN! YOU HAVE TO SEE THIS THROUGH. Why you’re not start to write something you’d like (you dont need to write erotica, but maybe something that has erotica in it, like Twilight)
    and submit it to publisher?

  3. dk says:

    yeah hintay-hintay lang. minsan nga yung work na di mo inasahang darating would give you the best work experience.

    minsan you need to show some guts. simple. “show them your worth”. assertive yet not aggressive. before we were sent off by our alma mater, before the graduation rites ended, sinabihan kami na to price ourselves high enough. ma-ere kung pakikinggan pero it also sets an impression na confident ka youre qualified for the job and that you have the knowledge and skills na kailangan nila. asset kung baga. diba nga “high quality goods doesnt come off cheap these days”.

    oo, tayo yung naghahanap ng trabaho. its dissapointing kung di tayo matanggap sa work na gusto natin pero di naman din siguro masama na isipin natin na its their loss that they gave up a good catch such as you.

    last thing, you were dreaming of becoming a pilot?(“I’ll never qualify because of my poor vision”)

  4. inigo says:

    you are a good writer. very few have that skill in creative writing. you can capitalize on it to earn on the internet.

  5. TheOtakuWhore says:

    Never lose hope and be confident! You have no Idea with the things you are capable of, the possibilities are endless!

    I was this plain average guy before, until I unleashed my inner me, I learned that I should never stop trying things, and be not scared to take risk.

    Maybe I got to get a taste of failure first, I actually got kicked out from one of the prestigious universities. But instead of taking it so bad, I accepted it like it happened for a purpose.

    And on where I am today, even though I’m a year away from graduating, I discovered a talent randomly, I suddenly sketched designs and now I have a portfolio, I suddenly beatboxed which I thought before I have a tourette syndrome.

    Here is one of the quotes that inspired me

    Marco Pierre White said:

    “Perfection is lots of little things done well.”

    This became my mantra and I did appreciate little things and accomplishments and it changed me. 🙂

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