I’ve been very busy this past couple of days that’s why I haven’t posted any new entries here in my blog. I’m still working on the continuation of Runway Boys, At The Sauna, In The Closet, and The One That Got Away. Once I’m done I’ll post them as soon as possible.

Anyway, I haven’t been feeling well lately. I’m not sick or anything, I just feel like I’m not myself anymore, as if another person has taken over my body and I’m just looking at him from another world.

I’m always tired even when I’m not doing anything. I’m afraid that I’m back to where I was a few years ago. In a dark place, feeling depressed and lonely. What’s frustrating is I can’t really pinpoint where this feeling of sadness is coming from. Maybe I’m just thinking too hard. Maybe I just need to “live a little” and just go with the flow. I dunno. Fuck life I say.

It just started raining and it’s very gloomy outside which makes everything worse. I want to sleep since I have work later tonight but my mind won’t allow me. There seem to be a hundred things racing through my head.

Anyway, I have already made my decision and I’m leaving my job.  After much careful thought and consideration and after weighing all the pros and cons, I’m finally going for it.

I’ve already talked to my boss and explained to her why. I’ve also talked to my parents and my siblings as well. No wild reactions or anything. They just told me to leave by the end of the year. I told them that I wasn’t happy with my job anymore or what I’ve been doing for more than a year now.

I feel like I haven’t grown professionally and that I haven’t really learned anything new. I feel like I’m stuck in a rut that I need to get out of it before I sink in deeper and deeper.

I told my boss about my long term plans and I’m glad that she understood and willing to let me go even if I don’t have a fall back yet. I don’t have any pending applications and I haven’t sent any resumes to companies yet. I told her that I needed to rest even just for a month. I needed to get myself together and get my life back on track. I know I sound like an ungrateful bastard and that I’m taking my job for granted considering there are millions out there struggling to look for work but I’m really not. I’m grateful for my job and that fact that I’m being paid more than the average 20-something out there. but I can no longer work when I’m not happy anymore. I’m young, I’m only 22, and I feel like this is my (time) chance to do anything I want. To take risks and explore other opportunities out there for me. And maybe fuck up a little.

Truth is, the company is going through major changes. And when I say a lot, I’m not fucking kidding. They “let go” of some of our managers and most of my friends / colleagues in my department and other departments as well have already passed their resignation. So before the company goes to shit I’m packing my bags and leaving. The company’s great I just hope that they’ll find people who can handle it better.

(Sigh.) I’ll be forcing myself to sleep now. Can’t afford to buy another Starbucks coffee to keep me awake all night. 90 bucks for a brewed coffee? Nah. I can settle for a 3-in-1 anytime.

5 responses »

  1. Andi says:

    pack your bags and travel 🙂 That’s what I do every now and then… and go back home refreshed…

  2. andy says:

    You can always be a writer in a MAG or any lifestyle column in a newspaper. You are good in it. I bet many are subscribed in your site. Don’t be too emotional with it. It is a cliche but I’m gonna say it anyway. . .”Change is the only constant thing happening in the world right now.” Goodluck.

  3. imaginirian says:

    I think your work does not satisfy your need. It’s a good thing though since you are still young you manage to still look for that special job for you. there are plenty of opportunities for you out there, Try to check yourself though maybe the reason why you feel like a different person right now is because of an unfulfilled thing within yourself. (by the way I really enjoy reading your blog)

  4. GeumChadi says:

    I’d love to have a 3-in-1 coffee with you. It wakes up my senses every morning. 🙂

    Food for thought though, “Life’s a b*tch. Live it well.”

    Have a happy holidays (in spite of you’re going through.)!

  5. adam says:

    tama lang yan. pag di ka na masaya sa work mo, go ahead and leave. just make sure you’d be able to sustain yourself throughout your jobless days. i did the same thing but i waited to complete my 5 years so i could bring home a P100k separation pay. then I traveled abroad. then i realized that spending all my money wasn’t a good idea. 😦

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