I’ve been very busy this past couple of days that’s why I haven’t posted any new entries here in my blog. I’m still working on the continuation of Runway Boys, At The Sauna, In The Closet, and The One That Got Away. Once I’m done I’ll post them as soon as possible.
Anyway, I haven’t been feeling well lately. I’m not sick or anything, I just feel like I’m not myself anymore, as if another person has taken over my body and I’m just looking at him from another world.
I’m always tired even when I’m not doing anything. I’m afraid that I’m back to where I was a few years ago. In a dark place, feeling depressed and lonely. What’s frustrating is I can’t really pinpoint where this feeling of sadness is coming from. Maybe I’m just thinking too hard. Maybe I just need to “live a little” and just go with the flow. I dunno. Fuck life I say.
It just started raining and it’s very gloomy outside which makes everything worse. I want to sleep since I have work later tonight but my mind won’t allow me. There seem to be a hundred things racing through my head.
Anyway, I have already made my decision and I’m leaving my job. After much careful thought and consideration and after weighing all the pros and cons, I’m finally going for it.
I’ve already talked to my boss and explained to her why. I’ve also talked to my parents and my siblings as well. No wild reactions or anything. They just told me to leave by the end of the year. I told them that I wasn’t happy with my job anymore or what I’ve been doing for more than a year now.
I feel like I haven’t grown professionally and that I haven’t really learned anything new. I feel like I’m stuck in a rut that I need to get out of it before I sink in deeper and deeper.
I told my boss about my long term plans and I’m glad that she understood and willing to let me go even if I don’t have a fall back yet. I don’t have any pending applications and I haven’t sent any resumes to companies yet. I told her that I needed to rest even just for a month. I needed to get myself together and get my life back on track. I know I sound like an ungrateful bastard and that I’m taking my job for granted considering there are millions out there struggling to look for work but I’m really not. I’m grateful for my job and that fact that I’m being paid more than the average 20-something out there. but I can no longer work when I’m not happy anymore. I’m young, I’m only 22, and I feel like this is my (time) chance to do anything I want. To take risks and explore other opportunities out there for me. And maybe fuck up a little.
Truth is, the company is going through major changes. And when I say a lot, I’m not fucking kidding. They “let go” of some of our managers and most of my friends / colleagues in my department and other departments as well have already passed their resignation. So before the company goes to shit I’m packing my bags and leaving. The company’s great I just hope that they’ll find people who can handle it better.
(Sigh.) I’ll be forcing myself to sleep now. Can’t afford to buy another Starbucks coffee to keep me awake all night. 90 bucks for a brewed coffee? Nah. I can settle for a 3-in-1 anytime.