“The real choice is between living life in the shadows or walking proudly in the light. The real choice is between a slow death and an honest life.”
– Tony Ferrante and Paulette Jacobson, Letters from the Closet
The Hanger (Jay)
“WILL YOU MARRY ME?” were the only words that came out of Jay’s mouth. He just proposed to a girl he barely knew… and loved. Her name was Emily.
“Yes!” was all Emily could say. She was ecstatic that the man she just met and fell in love with are now engaged to marry.
To him it wasn’t love a first sight but to her it was a a realization of a dream she had had for a very long time.
Everything was still a blur inside Jay’s head. He didn’t knew exactly why he had done it because he didn’t even love her a bit but all he could think of was his need to fulfill his mother’s dying wish. She wanted him to get married, start a family, and raise a kid, something his mother knew he couldn’t just easily give because deep inside her she knew that his son was gay.
His mother, Cecile, was diagnosed with breast cancer. He returned from the U.S. to take care of everything that was needed to be done to help prolong her life. He bought medications, scheduled treatments, hired a house help and more. He flew back a month later with his mother’s request still etched in his head. “I want to see you have a family of your own before I die.”
His mom is still alive.
His father, on the other hand, passed away when he was still a kid. Both his sisters got married at a very young age and have families of their own to take care of. Since he was the eldest and the only son it was his obligation to support them in whatever shape or form. His relationship with his sisters became a constant struggle when their mother was diagnosed with the big C.
They don’t want his money, “We don’t need it,” they’d say.
“We want you to be here with mom”
They knew he can’t.
He couldn’t understand what they want from him sometimes and he felt like he didn’t have time to figure them out.
Jay was also pursuing his baccalaureate degree at one of the biggest universities in the country while working abroad as a senior officer for a private company based in L.A. He would stay here for the summer and finish one semester and then fly back to for work. He only had two semesters left when he decided to stop.
He’s only 28 but he’s already “a made man.” He had already bought a house of his own and was planning to venture into business real soon. One of his plans include buying a lot in Palawan that he’ll transform into a resort.
Jay was your typical boy-next-door. He eventually grew up to become a handsome bachelor. He definitely lived up to this stereotype. His eyes were kind and his lips were full and pink. He had pointed nose, high cheekbones and fair skin. He has a scar above his left eyebrow which he got from a motorcycle accident as teenager. He’s 5’8 ½ inches tall with a muscular physique that he developed from regularly working out at the gym.
A bachelor in every sense of the word, Jay was a great catch. But then again, some fish just don’t want to get caught.
His phone vibrated and a text message appeared, “I Love you, I miss you!”
It was from Toni, his current boyfriend.
His head started to spin. He felt awfully dizzy. He looked real pale and was about to vomit. The room started to feel like closing in on him, panicked attacked. And all he could think of now was how he got himself on this position and why. All of a sudden his life was in such turmoil.
All he wanted to do was hide in a dark closet and never come out.
Part 3 of In The Closet