It was Valentines Day, Ryan and I were supposed to meet each other for dinner somewhere in Tomas Morato. He made a reservation in some fancy restaurant and asked me to come and meet as soon as possible.
I booked a fashion show that same night with Martin and Luke and I told Ryan that I’ll be there right after the show. I lied. The three of us decided to just hit the road instead and head south to Tagaytay for a boys night out.
I didn’t make it to our dinner.
To cut the whole story short, I broke up with Ryan a few days later.
I needed to take charge of my life and do some damage control before things got any worse.
My world revolved around him. I made him my priority. But when I felt like I was just an option to him I decided to end our relationship. I risked everything for him I was willing to let everyone know we’re together for him. And when I finally realized that our relationship wasn’t going anywhere I had to let him go. He took me for granted. That fucking jerk took my love for granted.
I’m not perfect, I have shortcomings too, but there’s only so much I can handle and at that point I had reached my limitations. I guess it was my fault. I loved him too much that I forgot to love myself first. I made him my life that I forgot I had one too. I was so focused on making him happy when I’m not even happy myself.
I’m not perfect. I have shortcomings too but if I could turn back the time I wouldn’t change a thing. The memory of what happened between us was something I’ll take with me forever – for what its worth – the good, the bad, and the ugly. The lessons I learned I’ll take with me and by the time I decide to fall back in love again I can always look back to what fucked both of us up.
I couldn’t stop smoking anymore. I started drinking more and more frequently.
I guess it was my way to cope with the pain, to drown my sorrows until I feel numb inside. I guess it was better to feel nothing at all.